+.08 lbs

But wait! that last post was almost one year ago, that's not the progress I was shooting for. In my last post I"m promising visions of 260's dancing in your head and I still haven't delivered.

Let me catch you up on the last year, because it has been an interesting one weight-wise.

I got a mysterious pain down in my "mommy daddy parts". It was akin to being kicked in the balls for about 5 months. That wasn't fun but in early October at around 295 lbs I decided enough was enough. After 10 months of piddling around with little efforts, then binging my way back to where I was before and then some, I decided to get real, I finally re-decided I really want this and I"m going to do what it takes to get it.

I had no idea what awaited me. Halloween, Christmas, New Years, and every family event in between I watched as delicious home made food and dessert were sprawled out before me. Relatives actually came up to me and begged me to try their cookies, as they valued my opinion (because it was usually so enthusiastic... I do love a good cookie). I even stuck my hand in dough and made christmas cookies without a single morsel passing these lips. What a trying time. Meanwhile, I exercised more than I ever have in my life. For 30 straight days in a row, without fail (through the mysterious pain) and many, many more days. But at the end of it all, come New Years eve and January, and even February, I had only lost a measly 3 lbs in 3 months.

What was wrong? I was exercising, I was eating better than I ever had before (high protein, high fiber, no sugar, all vitamins, never more than 2000 calories). So how was this possible? I actually don't know and probably never will. What I did finally realize after going through such a painful process (not losing when you're giving it your all is scarier and more painful than getting kicked in the balls, i have learned) I knew something had to change. I looked in the mirror and decided to stop spending so much energy and focus on not sending my body into starvation mode by making sure I was always eating enough. I decided that whatever my body was doing was worse than starvation mode, so it couldn't hurt and I cut my calories down to 1200 to 1300. I did this for about 5 days and then allowed myself to eat a pretty good amount. Then the flood gates finally opened and here we are again.

Last time I hinted at the 260's being very close. Well, they are still very close and I could make the same mistake and say that they are just around the corner. So i'm going to go ahead and do that. They are just around the corner.

I leave you with my weights for the last year that I've missed. Sorry I've been away so long (one reader, if you haven't passed away from natural causes), but the Old promise may be older, but its still alive and I"m still fighting. See you soon.

4/28/11 -270.4
5/14/11 -270.0
6/1/11 -273.6
6/24/11 -272
7/3/11 -278
7/19/11- 282
7/24/11- 286
1/10/12- 281.2
1/25/12- 277
2/18/12- 278
2/27/12- 281
3/01/12- 287
3/05/12- 278.6
3/11/12- 276
4/01/12- 270.8



Funny that I said I couldn't believe I was about to be in the 260's soon, seeing as I guess I wasn't about to be in the 260's. It's been over 2 weeks and very minimal change. Not sure why as you can see clearly what i've done during those weeks.

Oh also, i can believe I'm about to be in the 260's, there's no more disbelief.


I'll weigh at the end of this week and see how that's going. Would like to mark off some more numbers.

A day late but I got the dollar.

So it's been a weird week full of insane procrastination levels like the world has never seen. I would go into great detail but I'm a bit tired right now, so maybe tomorrow.

For the first four days of my weekly challenge I did everything perfect, calories, protein amounts... oh wait, not everything. I didn't work out at all. I don't know what was wrong with me, I didn't feel particularly bad, but I also didn't feel good. Whatever the reason, all the sudden I had 3 days left and I had done nothing. Now I owed my board 5 thirty minute work outs. So I went and hopped on the elliptical to give it what I had and then hopped right back off about 4 seconds later.

The thought of busting my butt and being on that thing was unbearable. I was tired, sluggish and I just wanted to stay that way. Nothing sounded worse to me than being on that thing. So two days left and I figured I would just do 1hr 15 minutes per day. That was a good plan except that after 30 minutes something happened to me. I don't know what it was exactly but I felt like I was going to pass out. This isn't me being lazy, I really was worried and had the phone in case I needed to call 911 because my head felt very heavy all the sudden. I tried drinking water, eating etc and I felt like that for the rest of the day.

So it's the last day and I have 2 hours to go. I'm still 70lbs overweight so I don't know if 2 hours of straight cardio on the elliptical is possible but I figure I'll break it up and find out as I felt much better than the previous day. I managed to break off 1 hour and 20 minutes before I got very shaky and very weak. I wanted to push it 10 more minutes to get it even and only have 30 left, but I really couldn't and didn't want to do anything stupid. So there it was, due to my procrastination and then weird illness I wasn't going to complete my goals. I felt that pang of disappointment when you let yourself down and could only shake my head and grumble.

But wait a minute, today on my day of rest, I jumped on the elliptical and pedaled out 40 minutes to complete my challenge. I needed an extra day to do it, but I did it and I think i paid the price for my procrastination.

Dear me: For future reference, don't do that.

Squandered my rest day this week, new (tougher) goals tomorrow.

Weekly Goals

Trying to bump my calories up a little bit because they really are too low. Going with perfect eating for the entire week, no day of rest in between.

And a look at the big picture.



Can't believe that I might be in the 260's soon. Looking back since January it's been a very weird (and mentally exhausting ride). Weeks and months with no loss and then two giant losses seemingly at once. I actually went back to the early days and read a lot of this journal and the one pattern that is blatantly obvious is that from week to week, my weight means almost nothing. There are a dozen examples of me working my tail off and gaining weight and being gutted on here, just to turn around and in a week or two drop a huge amount. I realize now that those weeks that I gained, I didn't really, and those weeks that I dropped 8 lbs, I also didn't really do that. My body likes to hang onto those pounds before it will give them up, but the key is, if I do what I need to do I know on some random week, they will be given up.

I guess what i'm trying to say is: The scale can suck my ass. (Although i'm not mad at it this week)

It's hard work bein this pretty.

Perfection. What a great week back in every way. It was difficult and i had to be rigidly consistent especially when I didn't feel like it, but I did it and that's all that matters.

For the week my calorie breakdown ended up at 796g carbs, 867g protein and 347g of fat.

The fat is a little high due to Easter, where I partook in the family meal but restricted myself to 2000 calories (that was a hell of a battle), but those women sure do like packing the fat in their food. Even eating a small amount shot it up there to about 90 for that day.

Anyway, good week, let's do another.